It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
