adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
