So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
