btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
