Got a toothbrush?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize