I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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