I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
