i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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