i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
