Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
