i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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