omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize