the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
