Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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