I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
