Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
