what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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