I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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