I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
