A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
