winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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