you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
