Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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