I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
