I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
