I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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