he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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