i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
