Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
