Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
