"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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