I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
