I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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