she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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