I want to make a zoo with you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
