looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize