i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
