Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
