I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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