I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
