You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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