He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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