Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Two words: blizzard sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
