i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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