just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
