woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You ruined the universe
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
