I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
