Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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