Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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