You're so nebulous sometimes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
