This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
These tits shall not be calmed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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