whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
