Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
