it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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