That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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