You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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