alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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