I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
