I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
