Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
