I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
