wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
