I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
