this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
