Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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