dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize