Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
