id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
