omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
