you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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