does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
