My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please, let me fuck your mom
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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