i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were destined to go to rehab together
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Randomize
