New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
