Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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