I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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